Ripple Effect
by yogabbagabba18
Summary: When bad things happen in your life they can cause you to do terrible things. Rated T for minor abuse and the whole story is about cutting.
1. One Thing Lead To Another

**So I'm writing again...not gonna have frequent updates cuz my summers r crazy!**

**Disclaimer: I tried talking to Dan, but he just called security.**

Jade POV

I woke up to of course...fighting. My parents seemed to always be fighting. I groaned, couldn't they just shut up for like five minutes. I pulled myself out of bed and got dressed. I noticed my phone was bleeping, I had a new text.

_From: Beck Ur Tly Smoking Hot BF: ill be at ur house in like 5 minutes_

I smiled. He always happened but then I heard a crash downstairs and my smile turned into a frown.

_To: Beck Beck Ur Tly Smoking Hot BF: Dont come to my house, ill meet u at the corner by my house._

This way he wouldn't see my parents fighting, I didn't want him worrying about me. Especially because sometimes when my dad got really angry I got...well...let's just say dragged into the fight.

_From: Beck Ur Tly Smoking Hot BF: Why? is everything kk?_

_To: Beck Ur Tly Smoking Hot BF: Why r u asking that? just cuz i want to meet u somewhere else do u have to assume there's a crisis?_

_From: Beck Ur Tly Smoking Hot BF: Srry, jw. Luv u._

_To: Beck Ur Tly Smoking Hot BF: Luv u 2_

I heard a door down stairs slam and saw my mom leaving to go to work. I walked downstairs hoping nothing bad would happen. I walked downstairs nervously but made myself look fine.

"Jade." A voice behind me said coldly.

"Yes," I responded even colder, not caring that it was my dad. "What do you want?"

"Take that jewelry out of your face, you look like an emo slut." I was not really phased by his rude remark.

"No." I responded. It was obviously the wrong thing to say because my dad hit my head hard.

"That's no way to talk to me. I'm your father and you'll obey me!" He yelled.

"I'll talk to you however I want!" I spat back and then sprinted to the corner. My head throbbed but I ignored it. I saw Beck's car and slowed down because he'd probably wonder why I was running. I climbed into his car.

"Hey," I said nonchalantly.

"Hey," He said and he grabbed my face a brought it to his and kissed me. His hand went up the side of my face and stopped...right where my dad hit me. "Jade, what's that?" He asked concerned.

I looked in the mirror and noticed a giant bump/bruise where my dad had hit me. My heart started racing, Beck couldn't find out. He would get all nervous and well...Beckish. I had to lie.

"N-nothing." I said like everything was fine.

"Jade..." He said.

"It's nothing leave it alone Beck!" I snapped.

"Sorry," He said backing off "It just looks like someone hit you."

"Well, no one did." I shot back.

"You would tell me if someone did, right?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," I smiled. "Now start driving we've got places to go and people to see." I yelled changing the subject. That was close.

************Abuse is not gonna be the main point of this story. This is more about something the abuse and a bunch of other things trigger.**


	2. The Beginning Of The End

**srry if my characters are OOC i write the first chapter nd this 1 like midnight in like 5 minutes haha! its the only time i have cuz ive been studying for finals...**

Beck POV

I knew there was something up with Jade. I'm not stupid; someone defiantly hurt her. It bothered me that she wasn't going to tell me. It made me angry and extremely concerned.

Why couldn't she tell me?

And who hurt her? Whoever did I would kill when I found out. I looked at her. She was putting makeup on the bruise. It made me even angrier.

"Jade, tell me what happened." I said calmly.

"Nothing happened." She said impatiently.

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"I don't think you're stupid! Why do you have to turn nothing into something?" She screamed.

"This isn't nothing!" Now I was yelling. "Do you not trust me?"

She didn't say anything she just looked straight ahead. She didn't trust me. Wow. I was more upset than angry, but I didn't let her see that.

"Wow." I said. "You don't trust me."

She turned around quickly and looked at me there was sorrow and nervousness on her face but I just looked at the road.

"No, Beck I didn't mean it like that. I trust you its just-" She tried to defend herself.

"What? Its just what? Its just I'm not good enough to know what goes on in my girlfriends life?" I cut her off.

"No, just believe me. I can't have you involved in this, I promise you I'm fine I just don't want things to get screwed up for you because of me." She pleaded.

I ignored her. I loved her and I wanted to help her, if she wouldn't let me then what did that say about our relationship. I couldn't believe her.

"Beck, please..." She looked at me. "You know what fine, don't trust me!" She said turning from sad to angry.

"So now you're mad that I don't trust you, well you don't trust me either so it doesn't matter!" I screamed at her.

"You don't get it! I do trust you!" She yelled back.

"If you trusted me, you'd tell me!"

"I can't tell you because I trust you! I trust you and I know you care about me and I know you'll overreact and do something crazy in an attempt to help me!"

I didn't say anything, I just ignored her. She wasn't telling me something important. Someone _hurt _her. This was a huge deal and she wasn't telling me!

We didn't say anything for the rest of the car ride. When we got to the school we didn't say anything either. She just left. All day we didn't talk. We didn't sit next to each other in class. Several girls came up to me and she didn't even bother to yell at them.

At lunch, Tori sat next to me, Jade sat across from me.

"Hey, Beck can I have your help with a project?" Tori asked, Jade didn't even look up fro her food.

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to help you." I said just to annoy Jade. Once again, not even the slightest response.

At the end of school I found Jade waiting by my car.

"Am I taking you home?" I asked confused, we had kinda just had a fight.

"No, you're taking me to your RV." She said and there was no sarcasm. _What?_

Jade POV

Yes, I was making Beck take me to his RV. I was mad at him but I didn't want to face my father and get even more hurt. So we were both just gonna have to deal with the awkward silence. I wanted to tell Beck, I really did but I couldn't. He would try to help me and I didn't want help. Knowing him, he'd call the police or something and I just couldn't deal with that right now.

The car ride was total silence and when we got to his RV it was the same. When we went to sleep we laid as far away from each other as we possible. We didn't go to sleep. We just laid there. It was to awkward to sleep.

I needed to stop this, he was the only thing I had in my life we couldn't be like this. I moved closer to him and put my arms around him. He sat up.

"Jade, choose one! One minute you're in love with me and the next you hate me!" He screamed at me.

"I never _hated_ you!" I yelled back.

"Jade, I love you but if you're gonna be like this and not trust me and always change how you feel about me, I don't think this is going to work out." He said. I froze. Beck was my life. I had so much bad in my life, he was the only good thing. I _needed_ him. "I'm sorry." He said.

I grabbed my stuff stood up and ran out my life felt like it was over. I just ran. Trying to block everything from my mind, pretend nothing happened, but I couldn't. He loved me, but he didn't want to be with me and it was my fault. I was to crazy, to imperfect. I didn't blame him to be honest I couldn't believe he put up with me this long. I mean it was only a matter of time before this happened. I had put my self in this dream that I was worth something and it was possible for someone to love me, but it wasn't. Tears were streaming down my face. I hated myself and my life.

I saw my house and ran inside. My dad was waiting for me.

"Where were you?" He yelled. My heart rate increased and I started backing away.

"I was-" I started nervously but I was cut off by his hand connecting with my face. I fell down he came over and hit me...again, and again, and again. _Make it stop!_ I screamed on the inside I just wanted everything to be over.

"You worthless little slut!" I heard him yell."No one loves or cares about you!"

When he was done I stood up, fell, and stood up again. I went to my room and pulled myself into my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had bruises and cuts everywhere. I was going to take a shower when I noticed my razor on my counter. I picked it up and looked at it. I put it to my wrist lightly. I deserved to have pain for being so stupid and worthless. He would never love me, no one would. I slowly dragged it across my wrist. It felt like something I deserved. I liked the way the bright red looked on my white skin. It looked like the only beautiful thing about me.


	3. Fine Line Between Love and Hate

**I hope the last chapter was good, I 4got my disclaimer woops. **

**Disclaimer: No.**

Beck POV

Jade had given me this look before she left that made me feel horrible. I instantly regretted what I did. There was obviously some issue in her life and that was not how I should've handled it. As I drove to school, I debated what to say to her. I needed to apologize, get us back together, try to fix everything that was messed up. When I got to the school I saw her getting out of her car. I ran up to her and hugged her.

"I'm soooo sorry. I did not mean anything I said yesterday please forgive me!" I whispered. She didn't say anything she just kind of stood there. She was probably debating what to do in her mind. She started trembling and I figured she must've been beginning to cry. I did NOT want that. Jade only cried when something like huge happened.

"Do you love me?" She whispered, I heard the tears in her voice.

"Yes, sooo much. The past hours without you were horrible. I love you more than I possibly can. You are everything to me and I want you back. I didn't mean anything I said yesterday." I was practically begging now for her to forgive me; I mean she had to, right? "Do you forgive me?"

I pulled away from her to look at her face. She looked like she was thinking about it. She also looked...different. Tired, hurt, weak it was weird.

"Yeah." She finally said, but she sounded unsure. I took her face and brought it to mine. She came up and kissed me. "I love you." She said, but her voice sounded shaky.

We walked to the school together, I kept one arm around her and held her really close to me. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I tightened my grip on her. I ran my hand up and down her arm and then I saw her neck. It was covered in bruises and cuts. Then I looked at her face. There seemed to be nothing on it but when you looked closely you could tell that there was makeup on her face. I took my arm off her and grabbed her hand.

"Beck, what are you doing?" She snapped. I didn't answer I just pulled her along. We walked into the school and I dragged her into the Janitor's closet and locked the door.

"Jade, tell me what happened now." I said angrily.

"What are you talking about?" She said snottily. I grabbed her face and used my hand to rub off some of the make up, sure enough there were cuts and bruises on her face.

"Jade, what's going on?" I tried to say calmly but I was seething with anger. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out.

Jade POV

I had to tell Beck, to avoid another fight. But how could I? He would like go on a rampage.

"S-someone hit me." I stuttered quietly.

"Yeah, well I figured that much out." He said trying to remain calm. "Who?"

I looked down at the ground and fiddled with my necklace, the one that matched Beck's.

"Jade, who?" He asked. I stayed silent. "Jade!" He yelled.

"It's not important." I mumbled.

"Yes, yes it is! Jade look at me! Jade!" He grabbed my face and brought it closer to his. "Jade, someone is hurting you, its important to me." He whispered. I looked into his eyes, they were so understanding. He made me feel like he could relate to me even though I knew he couldn't.

I broke down crying and he hugged me. "I c-can't tell you." I sobbed

"Yes, you can." He whispered.

"It's m-my d-dad." I said in between tears. He pulled away and I saw a look of disbelief, shock, and anger in his eyes.

"It's your _dad_?" He asked bewildered. I nodded. He turned around angry and went to storm out of the closet. I grabbed him.

"No, Beck, please don't. This is why I didn't want to tell you. I don't want help. I know you think calling the police will make this better but it won't. I just need you to keep this a secret!" I explained to him, and then the tears returned. He hugged me even tighter.

"I won't. Under one condition." He said sympathetically.

"What?"

"You're living in my RV from now on."

I laughed.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." I replied

After school, Beck drove me to my house. I grabbed clothes, my computer, and a bunch of other stuff and threw it into a bag. I was about to leave when I noticed my razor on the counter. When Beck wasn't looking I picked it up and threw it into my bag. I needed it for relief. Even if Beck did love me, I still felt worthless. I had use a scissor and cut myself several times in the bathroom during the school day and then covered it up with makeup. I just felt like I had to. It made me remember who I was and how I was nothing special and would probably never be loved.

We drove to Beck's house and I through my stuff down on the floor of the RV. Beck came up behind me and kissed me. Slowly the kiss turned into a make out and Beck pushed me down onto his couch/bed **(I don't know what it is)**. My hands got tangled in his hair and he slowly came off my lips and moved to my neck.

After a couple minutes he whispered to me "I love you and I will never let anyone hurt you." I pulled him closer to me.

"You'll never leave me, right?" I whispered while one of his hands played with a strand of my hair.

"Never." He promised.


	4. Secrets Secrets Are No Fun

**am i the only 1 who disliked iparty with victorious bcuz other than tori the victorious cast barely interacted with the icarly cast?**

**Disclaimer: what do u think?**

Jade POV

I woke up early the next morning with Beck's arm still draped around me, he was still asleep. I felt this sudden urge run through me to cut. It was weird, like I needed to do it or I'd die. I quickly got up and ran to Beck's bathroom and rummaged through my bag looking for my razor. When I found it I felt relieved. I picked it up and placed it on my wrist. I ran the razor across my wrist, once, twice, three times. On the fourth time I pressed a little to hard and went a little to deep. Instantly blood started pouring out of my wrist. _Shit, shit, shit._

I quickly grabbed a towel and tried to stop the bleeding and at the same time I was trying to clean the bathroom. Then I heard a knock at the door.

"Jade." I heard Beck's voice say. "Jade, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said quickly.

"Are you sure? You sound like you're in pain." Beck continued.

"Yes, I'm just putting make up on!" I snapped.

"Jade-"

"Stop asking so many questions!"

He stopped talking and when I finally got the bleeding to stop and the bathroom cleaned I quickly applied eyeliner.

"It took you that long to put on eyeliner." Beck laughed when I came out.

"It's a complicated process!" I shot back.

"Someone's irritable today."

"Beck..." I warned. He put his hands up in defense and headed to the bathroom to get dressed. I threw on a long sleeve shirt so nobody would notice my wrists, especially Beck. It would just cause problems. I was looking at my wrists when Beck came up behind me.

"Watcha looking at?" He asked all relaxed and nonchalantly. I turned around quickly and yanked my sleeves down.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"Whats up with you today?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're all jumpy and nervous and kinda paranoid."

"No, I'm not."

"Whatever you say."

"Come on lets go."

"Changing the subject I see."

"Shut up..."

We got into Beck's car and drove to the school. I was excited because the cast list for a play really wanted to be in was going up today. I had tried out for the lead along with none other than Vega. I was determined to beat her this time. I had tried extra hard for this.

When we got to the school I sprinted out of Beck's car to see the list. There was a big crowd around the list.

"MOVE!" I screamed. Everyone moved out of the way for me. I ran up and...didn't get the part. Vega did again, and sure enough Beck was the male lead. Joy! I groaned and stormed off to the bathroom.

When I got there I looked in the mirror and kicked the sink. Why did I think I was going to get the part? I was worthless and untalented. I don't even know why I got my hopes up. Vega was prettier, smarter, and all around better. I was nothing. I reached into my bag and pulled out my razor and yanked it across my wrist like 12 times. I put my head in my hands and cried.

Then I heard the bathroom door slam.

Oh god no.

Someone had seen.

I stormed out of the bathroom and ran into Beck.

"Where were you?" He asked.

"The cast list." I mumbled.

"I know. It's OK, I personally thought you were better but-" He said

"You're just saying that because you're my boyfriend. She's prettier and better than me!" I cried.

"What? No, Jade I'm not just saying that and she's not prettier or better than you!" He said trying to make me feel better.

I just walked away, I didn't believe him. He caught up to me and put his arm around me. I felt horrible about myself and to make matters worse, someone knew about my cutting...problem.

The rest of the day Tori kept talking about how she was so perfect and couldn't wait work with Beck and she was going to do so good. She was like trying to steal him right from me. I couldn't take it! I was going to explode!

"I can't believe I got the role I mean its such an honor because you had to be like the best in the school to get the part!" She exclaimed at lunch. I was clenching my fist so tightly that it was turning white. Beck had to pretty much hold me down. "Hey, Beck do you want to go over lines after school. I'm gonna need help memorizing them because theres soooo many lines and its such a big part and we're in like sooooo many scenes together that-"

"Shut up!" I screamed. "No one cares about your stupid play!"

"Jade, I think you care considering you tried out for it, and went to go c-" She started. Then it clicked she was the one who knew. I cut her off before she could finish so no one would know.

"Shut up!" I yelled. She smirked at me. Beck gave me this look and I just got up and left. Everything seemed to be crashing down around me.

Beck POV

I went to go follow Jade. She was extremely angry. I got up and ran after her but Tori caught up to me.

"Hey, Beck!" She yelled.

"What?" I yelled angrily. "Don't you think that was kind of mean?"

"I just thought I should tell you that you might want to pay attention to your girlfriend more." She smirked.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You're girlfriend's gotten into a bad, dangerous habit lately."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see."

Now I was confused. What could Jade be doing? Did Tori know about her dad? No, she couldn't. I found Jade in the janitor's closet. I was about to go in when I noticed her sitting there. She had something in her hands.

Oh no.

I couldn't just barge in and yell at her I had to do this right. I waited for the end of the day, I met up with her by my car and drove her back to my house.

"Jade, you know I love you right and I think you're the most talented and amazing person ever. You're the best thing that's ever happened." I told her.

"Sure." She said with no emotion.

"Jade, its just one play its OK."

"I know."

"You're an amazing singer and actress."

"Then why haven't I gotten a lead since Vega arrived?"

"Because-"

"Because she's pretty and skinny and better than me. She's not a creep like me and-"

"Jade you're right. You're not pretty, you're gorgeous. And she's not skinny, she's anorexic, and you're perfect. You're not a creep, you're different and special and amazing." She looked at me and I pulled her closer to me and kissed her. We pulled away and got out of the car and went into my RV and then continued where we left off. I pushed her against the wall and I moved my hands up her waist and kept going up until I got to her shoulders. Then I went down her arms and stopped at her wrists. I felt the scars and cuts. It made me scared. I stopped moving my hands and pulled away. Jade looked at me. There was shock and nervousness on her face.

"Jade, is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.


	5. I Hate Hate I Love Love

**srry i havent updated in like 4ever, i had finals! grooaann!**

Jade POV

_Shit, shit, shit!_ He knew! How did he know? He had to have known before we started making out because he wouldn't be so calm if he hadn't.

"Uhhhhh..." I stuttered not knowing what to say. He looked at me in this way that made me want to kill myself, he made me feel so bad like I was hurting him. I thought I was only hurting myself. There had to be something I could say, some excuse or I don't know...something.

"Ummmm..." I tried. His eyes made me want to...what? Scream? Cry? Run Die? **(hey that rhymed)** Boy, this was awkward. "Beck I..." I trailed off and then he just let go of me and turned around. "I don't...Beck-it's not like-I've only...I'm...sorry?" I said jumbling my words.

"Why?" He said turning back to face me quickly. I opened myself to say something but nothing came out. Instead, I burst into tears. Why did I do it? Because I felt horrible about myself, nobody loves me, I always loose. I just sobbed and then Beck put his arms around me. He kissed me, a deep strong passionate kiss filled with..._love_. I cried into his shoulder.

"I...just..." I started in between tears. I wished this had never happened. I wished Beck and I had never fought and I hadn't felt the need to pick up that stupid razor.

"Shhhhh..." Beck whispered in my ear.

"I'm sooo sorry!" I sobbed.

"I know, it's OK." He whispered. He picked me up and brought me to his bed/couch and laid me down he laid next to me and put his arms around me. I snuggled up close to him and continued to cry for another hour. The whole time thinking about how stupid I was and how messed up everything was. I just wanted my dad to love me, tori to never have come here, and to just be like everyone else. Why did everything have to be so hard? I just wanted to have parents that _didn't_ hurt me. They didn't even need to love me, just not to hurt me. I know I sound bipolar because I just said I wanted love but as I laid here with Beck I realized that the only love I needed was from him. So was that too much to ask? For my parents to not hurt me? I felt like I was in a bubble, a bubble that kept shrinking around me and I wasn't allowed to touch it because if I did it would pop. But how could I not touch it? It's one of those things that's just not possible. I know I'm jealous of Tori but her life is sooo perfect. She had parents that loved her, every boy wanted to date her, and she got all the leads in the school plays. Couldn't I have just one of those things?

When my crying calmed down a little he stroked my back and played with a strand of my hair.

"Why?" He asked again.

"Why not?" I replied, feeling the tears come back.

"Don't say that." He said tightening his grip on me. He kissed my neck and whispered "You can tell me anything," against my neck.

"I feel horrible." I choked out.

"Why?"

"I feel unloved."

"I love you."

"You're one person."

"Cat cares about you."

"Two people, oh joy."

"Come on, Andre even cares about you and so does Robbie."

"My parents hate me."

"Two people, oh joy." He mimicked.

I laughed, for the first time in a while.

"Tori even slightly cares about you." He continued.

I hit him.

"Sorry," He said quickly. "When'd you start...you know."

"When I left your house after our fight. I got home, my dad hurt me, I thought you didn't love me."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's my fault for being weak and stupid."

"You're none of those things. You're the smartest and strongest person I know."

"A smart person doesn't hurt themselves. A strong person can handle no love."

"Everyone needs love."

"I hate this."

"What?"

"My life."

"That's not true." He protested.

"Yes, it is." I argued.

"Does this have anything to do with the play?"

"A little." I said quietly debating how to answer.

"Nothing's gonna happen between Tori and I."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Thank you."

"Can I ask you something?" He asked after a couple minutes.

"What?"

"Do you hate yourself?"

"Yes." I said quietly.

"Why?"

"I feel imperfect."

"Nobody's perfect."

"Stop with the Hannah Montana."

"It's true though."

"I don't deserve you, or anything."

"That's not true. You deserve sooo much. You are amazing and beautiful and I love you. I don't want anyone but you. There's nothing about you I don't love."

"My bitchy attitude?"

"I know why you have it, I'd be the same if I was you. Plus, it's funny at times."

I laughed again. He leaned in and kissed me, and soon that turned into making out. He pulled away and said.

"Try to stop."

"I will."

"Tell me if you do it again."

"And if I don't?"

"I trust you, and believe in you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He took my wrists and kissed all my cuts before returning to my lips. We just laid like that, everything felt..._right._


	6. Addiction

**so sorry 4 being slow with the updates...i was almost done with this chapter nd then my computer/mac/pc or whatever u want to call it crashed!**

**Disclaimer: ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE MINE! HAHA I SHTOLE THEM! jk they're not mine.**

Beck POV

What now? I thought to myself as I lay beside Jade. I don't know how long we laid like this, all I knew was that it was morning. Jade had fallen asleep, but I couldn't. I kept my arms rapped tightly around her waist. Why? I just didn't get it. When I saw her I saw the most beautiful thing in the world. The best thing that's ever happened to me. But she didn't. I thought she was amazing, smart, gorgeous, talented, and just...perfect. How could she not see that? And her parents, her idiot parents! Why would they do that! I just wanted t kill them for causing all this, causing her pain and all this torture. Everything was a mess because of them! I hoped they died! And me, how could I be so clueless? How could I not notice the pain? Why wasn't I talking to the police right now? Everything just made hate everyone. I love her and think she's wonderful, she deserves better.

And, Tori. To make matters worse, Tori, the one person Jade hates knows. Tori could ruin her life. I mean, Jade's so screwed up right now that this is the last thing she needs. She's gonna tell everyone, I just know it. And how do I handle this? If I take away all her sharp things she'll feel the need to rebel. She'll think I'm taking away her freedom. This is so hard. I was so stressed. I looked down at her, she looked so innocent the way she slept. She was far from that. I guess the only thing I can do, is take it easy. I need to trust her. Maybe just being with her, loving her, and helping her come back to reality would make this go away. I know its gonna be hard. Once you start these things you can't stop. I heard people become _addicted _to this.I hoped she wouldn't or hadn't.

I leaned down and kissed the side of her head. She moaned lightly, still half asleep. I tightened my grip on her and brought her closer to me. She looked up at me and put her arm's around my neck.

"Hey." I whispered.

"Hi." She smiled. I leaned down and kissed her which grew until we were making out. We would have continued but we were interrupted by my phone ringing. Jade groaned as I pulled away. I put my hand on her shoulder and picked up my phone. She leaned against me and rested her head on my shoulder. I slid my free arm so that it was around her waste.

"Hello." I said.

"Hey, Beck." Came Tori's overly happy voice. Jade shot me a look that said _hang up the phone now!_

"Yes." I said slightly irritated.

"I was wondering if you still wanted to go over lines?" She asked all innocently.

"Uhhhh...I don't think I can today." I said looking at Jade.

"Oh, you and Jade need to work out her 'issues'?"

"Uhhhh?"

"Don't worry, I totally get it."

"What? Tori no!"

"I should probably let you go! Bye!" And with that she hung up.

Jade had pushed away from me. She was staring at the ground and had this really depressed look on her face. I was so angry at Tori. She had no right to say that. I rapped my arms around Jade.

"My life is over." Jade mumbled.

"Why?"

"She's going to tell everyone."

"No, she's not."

"Why not?"

"Because if she does I'll never speak to her again and I'll kill her." I joked.

"Call her back."

"Why?"

"You're going to run lines with her."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not going to let her win again and be stronger than me. I can handle myself. I'm not going to give her the enjoyment of seeing me fail and lose like usual."

Jade POV

Beck had been at Tori's for like an hour. Now, I was just laying in his RV. I didn't want Tori to win but as soon as he left I felt horrible. I felt like he chose her over me which doesn't make sense because I just told him to go to her. He would've stayed with me. I still hated myself.

My phone bleeped, I had gotten a text from Tori and my dad.

Oh dear, I debated which one to read first. I knew I'd hate both. I opened the one from Tori.

_From: Vega, The Girl Who Tried To Steal Beck: Hey, just chilling with your smoking hot BF. Gonna run the kissing scene next. How's your cutting problem? Burst any veins yet?_

I was ready to kill her. I stood up and screamed. I threw my phone at the ground. And nocked over Beck's fish tank (that had no fish in it) and watched it shatter. I thought about forwarding the text to Beck but he wouldn't believe me. It would just cause problems. Besides, Beck loved me. Right?

I picked up my phone and read the text from my dad.

_From: Dad: Where are u, u worthless little slut? When u get home ur dead..._

I lost it. No one loved me. I couldn't take it. I didn't even believe Beck anymore. I broke down crying and looked for my razor. When I found it I ran to Beck's bathroom.

One cut for losing Beck.

One cut for losing to Tori.

One cut for having no one.

One cut for thinking I was loved.

One cut for even trying out for the lead.

And the list went on and on.

As soon as I was done I regretted it but I couldn't take it back. I laid on Beck's bed and cried my eyes out.

When Beck came home he ran over to me.

"Jade, what's going on?" He asked all concerned and nervous. I just sobbed into the pillow. "Jade, you're scaring me! Jade!" I lifted my arms up so he could see my cuts.

"I'm sorry." I choked out. "I can't stop. I let you down. I hate myself."

He hugged me and I cried into his chest for another hour.

He took away all my sharp things.

Except for one pair of scissors I managed to save.


	7. Oh God No

**Thanks for all the super nice reviews! They mean so much to me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't, haven't, and won't ever own Victorious.**

Beck POV

I had to take anything sharp from Jade. Razors, scissors, knives (I don't know why she would have those but she's Jade soooo), everything. Jade obviously was not in a good state right now. There's no possible way that she could (as much as I hate to say this) handle herself. She was so broken. She's constantly on edge and randomly brakes down crying and she's all depressed all the time. She always has this like faraway look on her face and is EVEN MORE protective of me (if thats even possible). Every so often she has these little brake downs where she'll just start screaming,

"Beck, give me the razor! I need it! I need it! I neeeeeed it! I can't take it!" And then she'll start crying and the only thing I can do is hug her and hopes that this leaves eventually.

**2 weeks later**

Jade's a lot better now. She doesn't spazz out unless something reeeaaaallly bad happens. I guess that's good. She's starting to return to her normal self but its still not the same. Every so often, she'll be really happy (well as happy as Jade can get) but then she'll fall back into the somewhat dull Jade. I just wish she felt better about herself. I mean I know most girls are really insecure and feel horrible about themselves at times but I never expected this to happen. I guess I'm naive for that because Jade does have a bunch of problems. I guess I should've expected it, but I don't know, part of me never wanted to admit how screwed up Jade's life can be. I blame myself, if I hadn't lashed out on her that night this most likely wouldn't have happened. I was just so...angry at her. I felt like she couldn't trust me any more. And she was kinda acting bipolar. I mean one minute she was all "Beck, I hate you and don't give a crap about you," and the next she was all "Beck, I love you!" I mean choose one! This was all so screwed up.

Anyway, we were driving to school and for whatever reason Jade was in one of her better moods today. She was just sitting there drinking her coffee and looking at her nails.

"Hey, Beck?" She suddenly asked.

"Yeah." I answered.

"How's your play going?" She said kindly.

"Uhhhh, why do you ask? I thought you were still angry cause...you know." I wondered slightly amused.

"I am still pissed but I guess I have to let it go, I mean there's no use just complaining about it. Its not worth my energy. Besides, I've kinda messed up your life sooo...this is my attempt of making it up to you." She sighed.

"You did not mess up my life." I laughed. "You've made my life soooo much better. Different, but better."

"Thanks, that means a lot to me." She smiled. "So, how's the play?"

"Uh, good I guess. Well, as good as it can be with Tori as the lead." I joked.

"You're just saying that."

"No, I'm not. You were sooo much better and I don't know, Tori's good but she's nothing special. You, for instance, are something special. I don't know anyone that can sing and act like you do."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

When we got to the school, Tori came up to us. I tried to keep walking. I was really not in the mood to speak to her at the moment.

"Hey guys!" Tori said all happy.

"What?" Jade responded coldly, annoyed, angry, you get the point.

"Just wanted to say hi." She said all innocently.

"Hi, bye." Jade said in a bored tone but I could see the hurt in her eyes.

"So, Jade, how have you been doing?" Tori said like she was trying to hurt Jade even more. I felt myself get really angry. Tori and I haven't exactly been friends since I ran lines with her. She made all these comments about Jade like she was trying to show she cared but was really just trying to rub it in.

"Just fine, thank you." Jade said in a sarcastic sweet tone.

"Hey, Beck, want to run lines?" Tori said batting her eyelashes. She was attempting to flirt with me but it just made me dislike her more.

"No." I said short and coldly.

"Oh, are you having another therapy session?" She said now angry. I would have killed her but I thought of something better to say.

"No, I just don't want to spend my time with slutty bitchy whore." I smiled.

Tori opened her mouth shocked and hurt and I just pulled Jade along to my locker. Jade laughed and leaned on me. I smiled, keeping one arm around her.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"I'll be glad to do it again." I said happily. Jade laughed. "No, I'm serious."

The rest of the day nothing else really happened. At the end of the school day I was walking with Andre and Cat to our lockers talking about some movie (Jade was staying after class to talk to Sikowitz about some project) when Tori came up to me.

"Hey, Beck, can I talk to you for a second?" She looked sad and sorry. I was about to say no but I remembered Cat and Andre we're right here and I didn't want them knowing about our fight because that would lead to questions which would lead to problems.

"Uh, OK." I nodded. I followed Tori to an empty classroom. "What do you want?" I said rolling my eyes.

"To apologize. I feel really bad. I shouldn't have been saying those stuff to Jade, it was really mean. I totally get it if you don't forgive me but I just wanted to let you know I know I was wrong and I really am sorry." She said, by the way she said it I could tell she meant it. I'm a pretty forgiving person and I knew she had a crush on me and to have a crush on someone thats in love with someone else must feel pretty bad so I decided to let her go.

"It means a lot that you apologized. So, I guess I forgive you...kinda." I said.

"Thanks, that makes me really happy." Tori smiled. She took a step closer to me and the next thing I knew she was kissing me.

I didn't push her off right away because at first I didn't know what was happening. When I finally realized what was going on I tried pushing her off. Before I could though I heard a gasp. Tori pulled away and I turned around to see Jade. She had seen the whole thing. Her mouth was wide open and she looked like she was about to start crying.

"Jade it's not-" I started.

"Were you rehearsing for your play?" She demanded.

"No, but-" I tried again.

"Thats all I need to know!" She said about to cry and sprinted away.


	8. Silence In Death

**So ummmm IDK what to say, i took my last final 2day so yay!**

**Disclaimer: I have disclaimed Victorious and the characters from my possession.**

Jade POV

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ How could I be so stupid? He didn't love me, why would I think he did? I'm just a worthless, ugly, emo, weak person that he was to kind to leave. I hated myself! I'm so stupid and everything about me is just BAD! I don't blame Beck I mean I'm surprised he stayed with me this long.

Tears poured down my face as I ran through the hallways. Everything was blurry and moved in slow motion. I could either sprint home or beg Cat for a ride. If I asked Cat there would be questions but if I tried running home, Beck would catch up with me. I put my acting skills to the test wiped my tears away and ran up to Cat.

"Hey, Cat can I have a ride home?" I asked desperately.

"Jade, what's wrong?" Cat asked concerned.

"Nothing, I just got paint in my eyes. Can I have a ride home?" I begged.

"KK!" Cat cried happily.

The whole ride Cat talked about stuff but I tuned her out. I could only focus on one thing. Beck. Why? Why was I so stupid? Why did Beck even bother to pretend? Why was there never anything happy in my life? Why couldn't anyone love me?

I hated everything. Beck, Tori, my parents, life, but most of all myself.

When I got to my house I threw my backpack down onto the ground and dug through it until I found the one pair of scissors I managed to keep. I yanked it out, craving pain.

Not thinking, I quickly and forcefully dragged it across my wrist.

Oh shit.

Too deep.

Way too deep.

Blood gushed out of my now sliced open vein. I ran to my kitchen and put a towel to it but it was no use.

I became weak, cold, and thirsty. I fell down seeing spots. I heard someone screaming my name...

Beck POV

Oh my god, oh my god!

"Tori, what was that?" I screamed.

"B-Beck..." She stuttered. Oh no, this was not good. I kicked the chair.

"Do you have any idea what you just did?" I screamed even louder.

"It'll be fine you just need to talk to her." Tori said, but it sounded more like a question then a statement.

"You know about her issue, what do you think she's going to go do?" I yelled trying to not wring her neck.

"Oh, I did not think this through." Tori said biting her lip.

"Uh yeah, no chiz." I said rolling my eyes.

"Well, we have to go stop her!" Tori cried. We ran through the hallways but couldn't find Jade.

"She's probably walking to my RV! I took all her sharp things and put them in a box there!" I said impatiently.

"Good idea, let's go!" Tori responded. We ran to my truck got in and started driving looking for Jade. My heart was racing. Just when she's starting to get better this had to happen. I gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white. Tori was staring out the window looking for Jade on the road. When we got to my RV I sprinted in.

"Jade, Jade!" I cried. She wasn't here. "She's not here, she's not here!" I panicked. I ran over to the box with the razors, knives, and scissors.

"Well?" Tori asked nervously.

"They're all here." I stammered.

"You don't think..." Tori trailed off.

"No." I said getting the same idea. Jade wouldn't. She wouldn't go behind my back and keep something sharp. Right? Who am I kidding, this is Jade we're talking about. I ran back outside with Tori right behind me. We got into my truck and drove to Jade's house. I was getting more nervous with every second. We got to Jade's house and sprinted inside.

"Jade, Jade!" I screamed. I ran into her kitchen.

There she was.

Surrounded in blood.

Oh god, please no.

Tori let out a horrified scream. I ran over to Jade and picked her up. She was gushing blood from her wrist and only half awake.

"Beck..." She mumbled.

"Come on, Tori! We have to get to the hospital!" I screamed panicking.

"I'll drive!" Tori called trying to not throw up. Tori climbed into the drivers seat and I got into the back with Jade on my lap. A million thoughts raced through my mind. This was all my fault...and Tori's. I shouldn't have been so strict with her, I should've known she was going to rebel. She's going to die! Oh my god, Tori and I killed her!

"Beck..." Jade mumbled. I looked down at her. She looked so pail and was covered in blood.

"It's going to be OK, just stay with me, Jade." I choked out nervously.

"I'm thirsty and cold..." She groaned.

"Don't worry. You'll be warm soon." I urged holding her closer to me.

"Are you mad at me?" She whispered, almost unconscious.

"No, no sweetie. You never did anything wrong. I'm not mad at you." I said trying to not burst out crying.

"I lied to you..." She said even quieter.

"It's not your fault. You're going to be OK." I pleaded.

"Beck, there's something I need to tell you." She said so quietly I could barely hear her.

"What is it? Tell me, babe." I encouraged her.

"Beck, I..." She mumbled but then she blacked out. I felt her go limp in my arms.

"Tori drive faster! We're losing her!" I screamed, I was now all out flipping out.

Jade POV

The voice calling my name was Beck's. He saw me and looked scared. What if he doesn't help me? He came up to me and picked me up. Vega was here too, oh joy. Beck held me close to him as we got into his car. I was lying on his lap. I was so thirsty and cold and tired. I saw spots everywhere. I couldn't really hear Beck and I didn't know what was going on. Oh right, I was bleeding. Oh yeah, I went behind Beck's back by keeping the scissor. I tried talking to him. He told me I was going to be fine. Yay! Beck doesn't lie. I laughed a little. Everything seemed funny to me. I don't know why. I need to tell Beck something. I should apologize and tell him I love him. I try opening my mouth but then I loose everything. I feel the world slip away and I see nothing but black.


	9. 143 Means I Love You

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while...my parents took my computer away because I go on it at like 2 in the morning but I got it back now!**

**Disclaimer: Pum pe jet ewn Mindelieus.**

Beck POV

I was having an all out spazz attack. Jade was dying and it was my fault. I killed her...with the assistance of Tori. We're murderers. Oh my god! But then I realized, Jade wasn't dead...yet. We were still driving to the hospital. Tori was going as fast as she could without going over the speed limit but it didn't feel fast enough.

"Come on, Jade. It's going to be OK." I said to Jade, my voice panicky. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her, I can't lose her. It just can't happen. I need her. My life depends on her. I can't just go on without her. We're BeckandJade, world's best couple at Hollywood Arts. There's no BeckandJade without Jade. Then again, there's no Beck without Jade.

"We're almost there!" Tori screamed. She was freaking out, not because she was scared for Jade, but because of the blood. We finally pulled up to the hospital and I picked up Jade and ran with her into the hospital. As soon as the hospital workers saw her, they called for doctors and nurses who put her on a gurney and they took her away.

Just like that.

I just stood there with this shocked, sad, angry, and scared expression on my face. I walked over to one of the chairs in the waiting room and sat down. I put my head in my hands, just an hour ago everything was fine and now Jade could be dead.

It's my fault.

Tori came over and sat down next to me. She caused this. She's the one that kissed me and was mean to Jade and its her fault...and mine...but mostly hers.

"Beck...I'm-" Tori started.

"What? You're what? Sorry?" I snapped.

"Yeah, well-"

"Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it. How could you do that? Why would you do that?" I was getting so angry.

"I l-like you." She whispered so quietly I could barely hear it. Wow, Jade was right.

"That doesn't matter! If you like somebody you can't just kiss them if they're in love with someone else!"

"So you don't like me?" She asked all innocently and confused. How stupid is she?

"No! I mean I used to like you as a friend but I never liked you like that. And, I don't like you as a friend anymore because you just practically killed my girlfriend!" I screamed.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Should I go?"

"Yes."

"OK, bye. Good luck." She said and quietly turned around and slowly walked out of the waiting room.

I sat down and waited nervously. I thought I should call Cat. She and Jade we're best friends and she'd probably want to know that Jade was hurt. I took out my phone and dialed Cat's number.

"Hello!" An overly happy voice came.

"Hey, Cat."

"Hi, Beck!"

"Um, Jade's hurt and she's at the hospital and-"

"OMG! What happened?"

"She got a really bad cut and-"

"I'll be right there!"

A couple minutes later Cat ran in...with Robbie, 'Rex,' and Andre. Shoot, this means they would all know Jade's secret. Cat was crying, Andre and Robbie just looked nervous.

"Is Jade dead?" Cat screamed.

"What happened?" Robbie asked.

"Did the Wicked Witch of the West fall off her broom?" 'Rex' asked.

"Uhhh, well Jade is...she had a..."I said not knowing how to put this.

"Jade was cutting herself and screwed up and is now bleeding to death." Andre said in a monotone voice.

"How'd you know?" I asked, seriously know one knew except for me, Jade, and Tori.

"It was honestly only a matter of time, I mean that girl is obsessed with scissors." Andre said like it was extremely obvious and no big deal.

"So, no one told you?" I asked trying to clarify.

"Who would?" Andre asked confused.

"Tori. She's the one that pretty much caused this." I said coldly.

"What'd she do?" Robbie asked. I explained the whole story from when Jade showed up in my car that morning with the bruise all the way up to me telling Tori to leave the hospital.

"Wow." Robbie said.

"Oh my gosh, that's horrible!" Cat cried.

"So Tori really isn't that nice?" Andre asked.

"Yeah." I said. Then a doctor came out.

"Is Beck Oliver here?" The doctor asked. I walked up to him nervously.

"Hi, I'm Beck." I said.

"Oh, hi. You're here for Jadelyn West, right?"

"Yes."

"OK, good. She's doing very well. She lost a lot of blood so we brought her into surgery and gave her blood transfusions. We fixed her vein and everything should be fine. She'll just be tired for the next few days because of the blood loss."

"Thank you."

"How did this happen?"

"She was rapping a birthday present and the scissor slipped." I lied.

"I see, just making sure she wasn't cutting herself."

"Never."

"You can go see her."

"Thank you." I said again.

"She's in room 143."


	10. A Light In The Dark

**Jade is alive! yay! anyways how many of u caught the whole 143 thing?**

**Disclaimer: If I did there would be so many more Bade episodes and Tori would be hit by a bus and yeah.**

**I can't decide which POV to start with so I'm gonna do both **_slanted is Jade _underlined is Beck.

_I looked down at all the tubes connected to my wrist. I screwed up big time. Beck is gonna be so mad at me. I lied to him. He trusted me and I just threw it away!_

I walked down nervously to her room. I was feeling so many emotions. Love, sorrow, anger, betrayal, joy, fear, relief, and the list goes on and on. I was so happy that Jade was OK, but how could she lie to me like that? I came up to her room. I walked in nervously.

_He came in and I didn't know what to do. His face had so many emotions on it love, sorrow, anger, betrayal, joy, fear, relief, and the list goes on and on. I didn't know what to do. I loved him, I waited for him to start yelling at me._

She had so many wires and tubes hooked up to her wrist. She looked so sad and scared. She probably knew I'd be hurt by what she did. 

_This was so awkward. _**(Ha Ha its both!)**

"_Hi." I whispered trying to get some response out of him._

"Hey." I said coldly. I loved her but that's why I was acting like this, she scared me so much and I've been panicking for the past hours terrified I'd never see her again.

"_I'm sorry." I said, I really was. These past hours have probably been hell for him. He gets worried about me really easily and he probably lost it._

"Yeah." I said. Sorry? That was it. This was all my fault and probably the worst and most stressful day for me and that's all she can see.

"_Look, I know what you're thinking-" I started. I mean I lied to him and hurt him. But, he cut me off before I could finish._

"No, you don't! I've been freaking out! I thought I lost you! Do you know what its like to come home and see the person you love covered in blood half dead?" I yelled. She didn't get it. I had been dying inside and she was just acting like it wasn't her fault.

"_I'm sorry! I couldn't take it!" I yelled back. He knew I felt bad, why was he making me feel worse?_

"You went behind my back! How could you do that? I can't trust you anymore!" I yelled back. I just felt so betrayed and lied to and stupid.

"_I was going through a lot! You didn't exactly help by kissing Vega! Care to explain that by the way?" I screamed back. I was so tired and scared and he was not helping. And what about the fact that I saw him making out with Vega! How does he plan to defend himself about that!_

"She kissed me! I would never do that to you! I love you too much!" I yelled back, would she ever trust me?

"_You love me? If you loved me you wouldn't be making this even harder on me!" I screamed, now crying. "I'm sorry, but I'm just so scared and right now I just need you to hug me and tell me it's gonna be OK and instead you're yelling at me! I know I screwed up and I'm sorry!" Why couldn't he just understand me?_

Now I felt bad. I sat down next to her and rapped my arms around her. I thought by blaming this on Jade I would feel less guilty but instead it was just making me feel worse. "Shhhhh, I'm sorry. It's gonna be OK. I'm just taking my anger out on you. This is my fault. I was way to strict on you and it made you feel like you needed to rebel. I just thought I could do this and I can't."

"_It's not your fault. You tried being easy on me and I couldn't handle the responsibility. Plus, you were taking care of me great and Tori recked it." I told him. We both needed to be reassured. _

"I love you."

"_I love you too."_

"I thought I lost you."

"_I'm not going anywhere, except with you."_

I leaned in and kissed her but we were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Jadelyn West," Came a voice "You're mother is here to see you."


	11. Chances

**Sorry for not updating in a long time...I had my cousins wedding and I was a bridesmaid and I've been gone for the past 4 or 5 days between rehearsal dinners and fittings and the wedding and having tot stay at my cousin's house. Anyway, I'm here now. That last bit of that chapter came out of nowhere so I don't know where this is going to go let's just see what happens.**

Jade POV

What? My mom? No! NO WAY! She can't do that! She can't ignore me and then come asking to see me. No, that's not OK!

"What? No, no, no, no!" I screamed. I was still in the hospital bed with Beck sitting next to me.

"Jade, calm down." He warned.

"No!" I yelled. He shushed me motioning to the fact that the nurse and my mom were right outside the door. "She can't do that!" I angrily whispered.

"Did she hurt you? I thought it was just your dad?" Beck asked confused.

"No-" I tried to defend myself.

"Then she didn't do anything, you need to give her a chance." Beck scolded like I was six.

"Exactly, she didn't do anything! She let him hurt me!" I shot back.

"Maybe she didn't know." Beck tried to reason. He always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. How could she not know? I mean did she not hear my screams, the bangs, the breaking glass. Did she notice I haven't been home in like three weeks? I don't think so.

"Of course she knew!" I growled. I would've said more but then the nurse entered.

"Um, Jade's mother would like to see her alone." The nurse said in a falsely sweet voice.

"Oh no," I groaned as the nurse left. Beck kissed my forehead and then got up to leave. "Don't go! Pleeeeaaaassseeee!" I tried.

"I have to!" Beck yelled putting his arms up in defense. "You'll be fine!"

"No, Beck, please don't-" I tried but he just winked at me and left. I sulked back in my bed and waited for hell to start. My mom walked in in an long jacket coat thingy that looked like it cost $500, channel sun glasses, and really high boots. I always thought the only reason she was with my dad was for money. I couldn't see her expression because her each lens of her glasses was dark and the size of her head.

"Jadelyn," She greeted coldly.

"Mom," I said annoyed. She sat down in a chair across from me. "OK, can we get on with this because there are a lot of other people that actually _want_ to see me." I looked at her to see some sort of expression. My mom was pretty unpredictable, she could yell at me, she could hit me, she could roll her eyes, or she could leave. What happened I did not expect.

She started crying.

_Crying_.

I sat in my chair shocked, not sure what to do.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed. "This is my fault, I was such a horrible mother."

"Yeah, you kinda were." I agreed.

"I mean, I just let him hurt you and I didn't even care when you were gone for like three weeks. You shouldn't think that I don't want to visit you." She cried.

"But you don't." I said.

"Oh please, we both know that if I didn't want to I wouldn't have come." She said rubbing her eyes with a tissue.

"Wait, you mean you _wanted_ to visit me?" I asked now insanely confused.

"Yes! I've been such a bad mother and even if you don't believe me deep don I do love you."

"Yeah _reeeaaalllyyyy_ deep down." I said.

"I know, its too deep. So things are going to change. I'm going to be a better mom." She said sincerely. I almost believed her, but how could I? I couldn't expect her to just change now. It just wasn't going to be happen. Besides, better is a vague word.

"What's better? Texting me once a week?" I shot back, no way was I forgiving her.

"No, I'm going to pay more attention to you and care for you. I'm going to start talking to you and I'll make and have dinner with you and I'll come to your plays and make sure you're OK. I know you love Beck but in my attempt to be a better mother you have to get permission before you can spend the night with him. From now on I'm going to know where you are. I know it's hard to believe me but I'm going to do it." She sobbed.

"Thank you." I breathed. All my life that's the only thing I wanted. To just have a little bit of caring from my parents.

"Thank you for forgiving me, I'm so sorry." She said.

"I haven't forgiven you, I'm just giving you another chance." I said, I was not turning soft.

"I love you." She smiled.

"I wish I could say the same." I frowned. "And who nows, if you actually come through with this, maybe I will be able to."

My mom smiled at me, hugged me, and kissed my forehead. Then she left, I doubt she'll succeed but whatever. At least she somewhat tried.


	12. Crashing Down

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever but like I said my summer's are craaaazzyyy! Anyway most people that did vote chose option numbre tre (insert Italian accent).The idea for this chapter came from soccergil98! Thanks soooo much to her and give her credit ppls.**

**p.s. listen to the demi lovato song skyscraper, it is amazing and inspirational, it made me cry! I LOVE YOU, DEMI! Beck POV **

I stepped outside Jade's hospital room while her mom went in to talk to her. This should be interesting. As I waited outside a Jade's doctor motioned me over.

"Hello," He said calmly.

"Uh, hi." I said somewhat confused.

"I just noticed something and I thought I should ask you about it." He smiled

"O.K." I stuttered.

"When we were checking Jadelyn we noticed quite a few cuts and bruises." He said nonchalantly.

_Oh god, they knew! They knew! Shoot! What do I do? Do I tell them? Jade would kill me but doesn't she want revenge for what they did to her?_

"She also seemed quite nervous when her mom came into her room." He continued. "Do you know anything about this?"

"Uhhh..." I mumbled. What do I do? What do I do? Now it's time to panic!

"We're only trying to help, you can tell us." He said kindly.

I thought about Jade's bruises, how she had cried, how she had been willing to hurt herself because of them.

I told them.

I told them everything.

The cutting, the abuse, everything.

When Jade's mom left I went to go tell her. Tell her I told.

"Hi," She said when I walked in, she was smiling.

"Hey," I said.

Something in my face must've told her because she looked at me and frowned and then said "You told, didn't you."

"Yeah, I had to they knew and-"

"Beck! I just made up with my mom! My parents are getting a divorce! Everything was going to be fine!" She yelled angrily.

"Jade, I didn't know! I'm sorry I was trying to help!" I tried explaining myself. She really made up with her parents?

"Help? You just ruined everything!" She screamed back.

"Jade, they knew! They saw the bruises!"

"We could've told them I fell!"

"They wouldn't believe you!"

"Get out!" She finally cried.

"What?"

"Leave!"

"I can't believe you! You're so ungrateful! They hurt you! They made you want to kill yourself! I tried to help and it wasn't good enough! I did what you weren't brave enough to do!" I finally let out.

"Just go." She said in her soft, most vulnerable voice.

I turned around and stormed out furiously.

Jade POV

In the heat of the moment, I completely lost it and yelled at Beck like crazy. I blamed him for everything that was wrong. I was just so angry! Things in my life seemed to go right for once and then he just had to go ruin it. I know he didn't want to and he was just trying to help and he probably did the right thing. I feel so stupid. I just lost him. It had been an hour since he left and he had called 37 times and txted me 53 times. He kept apologizing. I just didn't have the courage to respond. I didn't know what to do. I was going to be in huge legal trouble. I'll probably have to go to therapy too. This was all so messed up. Beck was just trying to help and he didn't know any better but seriously he messed everything up. My phone rang again and this time I answered it.

"Jade, I'm so sorry!" I heard Beck's voice. I wanted to answer, to tell him it was my fault, that I was sorry, but instead I broke down crying into the phone. "I'll be there as soon as I can." I heard him say.

He got here in like two minutes, he must've been speeding. I was still crying. He sat on the bed next to me. He rapped his arms around me and I cried into his chest.

"Shhhhh, It's going to be OK." He kept saying.

"I'm sorry." I choked out.

He hugged me tighter.

**KK so there's gonna be three more chapters. Here's my plan:**

**1-meeting with lawyer and court case.**

**2-therapy**

**3-the happily ever after**


	13. Decisions, Decisions

**Sorry for the long wait for the update. I've spent like 5 days on this chapter. Anyway, I was slightly discouraged with the fact that I only got 1 review for the last chapter. Anyway here I go. This is most likely going to be a really long chapter. **

**Oh, I used a two quotes from two different movies in this chapter if you can find it and tell me what movie it's from then you can have a sneak peak of the next chapter and a dedication/shout out in the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: If I did, you wouldn't be reading this.**

Jade POV

So those stupid legal people are making me get questioned today. Great job, Beck. They doctors called the police and then child services and before you knew it there was some creepy lady making an appointment with me. She was here to question me about the case. Oh, and I have to get a frickin lawyer! Lawyers drive me crazy, they're blood sucking parasites! And if that wasn't bad enough, Now I have to go to therapy for self harm and all the stuff I've been through. And to top it all off, Beck can't come with me...to any of it, not the meeting with the creepy lady, or the one with the lawyer, and not even the therapy session. Ugh! I hate life, at least I got let out of the hospital and am staying with Beck for now.

The creepy lady's office was so...proper. There were books everywhere, and I mean everywhere and she had her fancy little desk with an expensive looking couch in front of it. Not to mention the fact that when I walked in she was clicking away on her computer, not even acknowledging my existence.

FInally, she took a brake to look up from her computer. She pointed to the couch in front of the desk and I sat down, annoyed.

"Excuse me," I finally said, irritated "I have a life to get back to so if you could take ten minutes of your day to get this retarded questioning thing over with that's be great."

She looked up from her computer and narrowed her eyebrows at me. "Quite impatient, aren't you?" She glared.

"Yes, and I also like to be acknowledged." I said back. She raised an eyebrow. I raised an eyebrow.

"Well," She finally said, "let's begin, shall we?"

"We shall." I said.

"Jadelyn-"

"Call me Jade."

"Jade, I'm not going to sugarcoat it or ease your way into this session, I'm not a therapist, I'm an investigator. I want the facts. Did your mom ever hit, kick, punch, or in any way shape or form abuse you?"

"No, well yes. She abused me with words and ignorance."

"What do you mean?"

"Well she would always say mean stuff to me and criticize me and ignore me. She would shoot down my dreams and not really care about what happened to me."

"I see, what about your dad? Did he ever abuse you?"

"Yes, he would do exactly what my mom did and he would hurt me."

It went on like that for a while. She would ask for specific examples of how he hurt me and how long it had been going on for and why I thought it started. At the end, she gave me a hug and told me I was very brave and strong. She said I should stop worrying and that things would get better. I didn't know whether or not to believe her.

The next day I went to the meeting with my lawyer. His office was practically identical to the lady who'd questioned me. He was nicer though. When I walked in he shook my hand and didn't ignore me like that lady did.

"So, Jade, I've heard that's what you like to be called, how ya been?" He said kindly.

"Pretty good." I said plainly.

"Well, that's not what it sounded like when I read Ms. Pierce's report." He said. Ms. Pierce, so that was that lady's name. "Anyway, Jade, this is a simple case. It's pretty much open and shut. You're bruises are reasonable proof and you're mother has already admitted to everything she's been accused of. However, although your mother was not the most loving of people, she never really committed a crime. Honestly, the only thing she's guilty of is being ignorant towards you. She never beat you or denied you food, therefor the only thing we can do is have child services take you away from her and put your custody in other people, which after the court case will be done. But your dad, he's the one that can get into serious trouble."

"So what are you saying?" I asked slightly confused.

"Jade, the original case was against your mother but we have decided to expand it to your father too." My lawyer said.

"Is that why yesterday Ms. Pierce asked me questions about my mom AND dad?"

"Yes, things are looking good for you Jade. Anyway, you know when your hearing is. It was nice meeting you." He gave me a hug and I surprisedly let him. I nodded my head and left. Next stop, therapy.

I was freaking out over the therapy. There was so much to talk about; the abuse, the cutting, everything! I did not want to open up and let out all of my emotions to some random person.

I walked in to the office. It was like all the offices I've been to today except there were one of those therapy couches that you're supposed to lay down on. The lady who was my therapist wasn't a hippy lady like I thought. She was actually normal. She was wearing a beige skirt suit and sitting at her desk talking on the phone to someone, most likely a mental person. She talked calmly to them and mouthed to me "one second" eventually she finished the conversation and put the phone down.

"Jade," she smiled standing up and reaching out to shake my hand. "Hi, how are you? I'm Dr. Shields, so why don't you lay down and we'll get started."

I sat down and then laid down awkwardly. I was nervous and I think she could tell.

"Look, you don't need to be nervous. You're not crazy, there are many people with you're problems." She said reassuringly.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked suddenly.

"Nothing. You're just a girl that was under a lot of trauma and pressure and snapped. That's how many of these cases start. I already know about you're family life but I really want to know what you're feeling. Not the facts. How did you cope with the abuse? How did you feel about it?" She said kindly.

"I wouldn't let myself be scared. I tried to avoid it as much as possible. I would go over my friend, Cat's, house or just surround myself in plays after schools. I recently started going over my boyfriend's house a lot." I spilled.

"You said you wouldn't let yourself be scared, Jade, everyone get's scared. On the inside I think you really were scared and denying that probably added to the pressure and trauma. You need to be honest with yourself. Now, tell me how you would feel exactly when you would realize your dad was about to hit you and your mom just stood there."

"Uhhh, panicked, terrified. This white light would rush through me telling me to run or that something bad was about to happen but when I tried to, nothing would happen. I felt frozen almost. My mom let me down and I would feel betrayed and weak. I was pleading and she would ignore it. I felt weak and alone."

"Good, that's what I want to hear, honest feelings. Those feelings are all perfectly normal. And, you're not weak, you're stronger than most people; and don't give me that 'then why did i have to cut my self?' stuff because the fact that you didn't commit suicide or have suicidal thoughts amazes me. Anyway, you mentioned your boyfriend and your friend, can you tell me a little bit about them?"

"Well, Cat is my friend. She's the complete opposite from me, she's all bright and bubbly and happy but we've been best friends for like forever. She didn't know what my parents were doing, I would just sleepover her house or whatever and she just thought it was because we were and I quote 'the bestest friends in the whole entire world, we're tbfitwew's'."

"Did you use Cat for her house?"

"What? No! Sure it helped but that wasn't the only reason I'm friends with her."

"Making sure, and your boyfriend tell me about him."

"Beck is...amazing. I do not deserve him at all. He's the world's most perfect boyfriend. He's always there for me and would never do anything to hurt me. When I was going through my issues he was always there for me, he tried to help and he did a great job. I probably would've never cut again but then I saw him kissing another girl but it wasn't his fault she kissed him and he tried to get her off him. That's when I lost it and cut myself too deep and had to go to the hospital."

"It seems like you two are very close, that's good. When people go through hard times they often need someone to fall back on to. Why did you feel the need to cut yourself?"

"I felt imperfect, weak, useless. I think I just thought I deserved it. Beck had broken up with me because I had been pretty bipolar. My dad had hit me that morning, he saw the bruise but I wouldn't tell him why because I didn't want him getting involved or doing something stupid. He got mad at me for not trusting him and I didn't want to go home to my dad so I went to his house and he broke up with me for changing my mind and not trusting him. I went home and bad beat me and then I went upstairs to take a shower I saw the razor and you know the rest."

"It seems to be that your relationship with your boyfriend seems to be causing the cutting."

"It's just a bunch of mistakes that happened. Honestly, he's helped me sooo much and I probably wouldn't be alive if he wasn't here. After that girl kissed him he went crazy looking for me and he took me to the hospital. The reason why situations involving him lead to the cutting is because my biggest fear is losing him. I just love him so much." By this point I was sobbing. Dr. Shields handed me a tissue.

"I understand you love your boyfriend and I'm not saying you should brake up with him but your relationship is a little unhealthy. You guys seem to be in the in between. There's either taking it slow or being serious and judging my your relation ship dynamic you need to choose one of these options in stead of being on and off. For example, when you were in that fight about you not trusting him, a serious couple would talk about it, a slow couple would take a brake from each other and temporarily brake up. You just ignored each other which never works and when he broke up with you, you lost it. I think you guys would be better off as a serious couple but if you're having doubts in weather you love each other then you either need to take a brake from each other or prove to each other that you do love each other. Do you understand?"

"Yea, I'm definitely gonna talk to him about that tonight."

"I'm glad, and our time is up. We accomplished a lot today Jade, good job. I'll see you next week at the same time."

"Thanks, bye."

When I got back to Beck's RV he instantly gave me a hug and kissed the side of my head. I was kind of nervous about what I had to tell him but Dr. Shields was right.

"How was today?" He asked smiling, probably thinking about how much I hated it.

"Surprisingly good. I liked therapy" I said blankly.

"What?" He laughed "What'd you guys talk about?"

"Everything. The abuse, the cutting, and uhhhh ourrelationship." I said making sure to rush through the relationship part.

"Wait, what?" He asked in disbelief.

"You heard me." I said simply, not wanting to repeat it.

"Well, what'd she say about our relationship?" He asked trying to not look interested but epicly failing.

"We're in the in between, Beck. We're not taking it slow, we're not getting serious, we need to choose one." I yelled.

"Uhhhh...OK." He said confused.

"Look at it this way, when we got into the fight over me not trusting you, if we were taking it slow we would've taken a brake, if we were getting serious we would've talked about it, not this childish ignoring thing." I explained.

"But, Jade you would've killed me if i broke up with you or tried to talk to you." He defended.

"I know, which is why we need to change."I groaned.

"So do you want to take it slow? Do you want to take a brake?" He asked. I glared at him. "OK, serious it is." He concluded. "So what now?"

"You said we were going to take it serious." I said standing up "So let's start with this..."

I rapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, long and deep. He rapped his arms around my waist and continued the kiss. Slowly, it turned into a make out session and I pressed him to his bed/couch thingy. He laid down with me on top of him and I broke the kiss and put my lips to his neck and started leaving hickeys.

"Jade..." He moaned.

I went back to his lips and tore his shirt off. He helped me slip out of my shirt and put his hands on my bra clasp.

Yep, we were getting serious...


	14. It's All Gonna Be OK

**seriously ppls review or i will not continue this story-i got 2 reviews for the last chapter and 1 for the one b4 that. strangely, i got 186 hits for the last chapter but only 2 reviews! like if i had 10 hits id be fine with 2 reviews but 186 is a lot more than 10. What is wrong with those 184 ppls? **

**kikudog6 and ohlookitzKutie thank u for being the 2 out of the 186 ppl who reviewed**

**soccergil98 thanks for the one review for the last chapter**

**anyways here i go! (im not sure how hearings work so this is probably gonna be very messed up) oh nd i be going to California on Sunday for 10 days so there will not be a soon update.**

Beck POV

2 weeks later

I woke up early and reached for Jade but she strangely wasn't next to me. I looked up and saw her sitting on the edge of my bed/couch, she was already dressed and she staring straight ahead and playing with the necklace that matched mine. Then I remembered, the hearing was today. I sat up and rapped my arms around her.

"It's going to be OK." I whispered into her hair. I didn't know what she was feeling; confusion, probably. She was torn and not sure what to feel, no matter how mean they were they were her parents. She was probably scared also, who would take custody for her?

All of a sudden, I felt her start to tremble. I realized she was crying. "Hey, I promise you, you'll be fine." I tried to plead to her as I wiped her tears away.

"I'm scared." She whispered. Wow, Jade West...scared. Never thought that'd happen. I kissed her forehead and held her tighter.

"What's to be scared about?" I asked in a weak attempt to reassure her.

"Who's going to have custody for me? What if they find him not guilty?" She begged.

"Jade, it's an open and shut case, your lawyer said so himself. As for custody, I don't know." I said honestly. "But, I'll be with you the whole way."

"I love you." She said pulling me in for a kiss.

"I love you too." I whispered.

**(I would insert a line here but I don't know how to)**

We got to the court place, building, room, whatever you want to call it and Jade went to go sit next to her lawyer and I sat in the stands, pews, chairs, audience, whatever you want to call them. She kept shooting nervous glances back at me. I saw her dad sitting on the other side with his lawyer and her mom sitting with them. Tori, Cat, Andre, and Robbie were also here, they came over and sat next to me. We would've started talking but the judge lady came in. She said a bunch of stuff but I wasn't really paying attention, I was too nervous about Jade. She looked like she was about to start crying and I just wanted to help her, hold her. The the judge asked the lawyers to make opening statements.

"The defendant, Jadelyn West, has been abused both physically and mentally by her father and mother, she wishes to have her custody put in safer arms." Jade's lawyer said, standing up.

Jade's father's lawyer stood up and said "The accused, Mrs. West has committed no illegal action and the other accused, Mr. West, claims to not have abused Jadelyn physically."

WHAT? IS HE FRICKIN KIDDING ME? Anger flushed through me and I wanted to go and punch him, I clenched my fists and tried to make my breathing steady.

Jade's lawyer called Jade's dad to the stand and questioned him.

"Mr. West, how would you explain the bruises and cuts on Jadelyn's body?" Jade's lawyer asked.

"Oh simple, it wasn't me, it was her boyfriend." Mr. West said. I lost it, I snapped.

"What?" Jade and I screamed a little too loudly.

"Objection!" Jade's lawyer yelled. The judge started banging her mallet thing and telling people to calm down.

Jade's dad's lawyer stood up and did something that I did not think was going to happen.

He called me to the stand.

I was kind of shocked at first and didn't know what to do. I stood up slowly and my hands were shaking which was weird because why should I be nervous if I didn't do anything?

I walked up and swore to tell the truth and Jade's lawyer came up to me.

"When did you first realize Jadelyn was injured?" He asked me.

"When I picked her up for school a couple months ago." I answered honestly.

"What did you see?" He asked.

"There was a bruise on the right side of her head, a couple days later there were more cuts and bruises." I replied.

"Jadelyn said this has been going on for years now, why didn't you notice?" He said sneakily.

"I don't know, she used makeup I guess." I said confused.

"I find it questionable that you didn't notice and that when the secret came out, you were with her. But, besides that, Jadelyn also began self harming and it seemed to occur after fights with you therefor you are guilty of abusing her mentally." He spat.

"What?" I cried. "This has nothing to do with me!"

"When Jade first self harmed-" He started.

"I know! But, I didn't mean to...like...I didn't abuse her." I tried to explain myself.

"That's all your honor." Jade's dad's lawyer said and I got up and went to go sit back down.

Jade's lawyer called Jade's mom to the stand.

"Mrs. West, was it true that Jadelyn was abused by her father physically?" He asked.

"Yes, he has been hurting her for years." She said with a straight face.

"Did you do anything to prevent this?" He asked.

"No, I never tried." She said honestly.

"So, Mrs. West, who would you say is guilty in this situation?" Jade's lawyer asked.

"Well, I do not believe I deserve custody of Jadelyn, I failed as a mother. As for Jade's father, he abused Jade physically and mentally and is there by guilty. He deserves to be put in jail." Mrs. West said nervously.

"People keep mentioning this mental abuse, please do explain." Jade's lawyer stated.

"A parents job is too support their child but my husband and I did the opposite. We criticized Jade and her dreams and it made her depressed I guess, causing her to self harm." Mrs. West said emotionally.

"So you take full blame?"

"For the mental abuse I take half, for the physical abuse I take a quarter of the blame because I never physically harmed Jade but I never stopped it either."

"That's all your honor."

Like Jade's lawyer said, it was an open and shut case. It went on for a little more and then the judge said,"The jury has reached a decision." I got a little nervous, what if the jury was messed up or rigged and jade lost?

One of the jury members stood up and said, "The jury finds the accused Mrs. West guilty of no crime but in no means able to take care of Jadelyn West and therefor no longer has custody rights to her. Mr. West is charged of child abuse and is therefor sentenced to prison for fifty years to life and no longer has custody rights to Jadelyn West."

Everyone in the court room (except Jade's dad and his lawyer) let out a deep breath. Jade got up, shook hands with her lawyer and walked over to me. I gave her a a hug and kissed her forehead, everything was going to be OK.


	15. The Happily Ever After

**Hello everyone! I once again apologize for the late updating but my keyboard broke as you know. I just got it fixed and now here I am with the last chapter. Thank you for all the reviews.**

**MY GOAL IS TO GET 60 REVIEWS. AT THE MOMENT I HAVE 57 SO PLEASE HELP!**

Jade POV

**2 weeks after court case**

So, I guess you could say, everything was working out. I've been going to my therapy and I've been a lot happier and it's really working. I haven't cut myself in 17 days and I haven't even thought about it in the last two weeks. I don't feel worthless anymore. I feel good about myself for once.

After the court case my dad was taken to jail, my mom went back to her house, and I went to Beck's to spend one night without worrying. The next day I was bombarded with legal stuff. I had no idea who was going to get custody rights to me and I was freaking out. What if I had to move? What if I never saw Beck again? I was shocked to find out that Cat's parents had decided to adopt me! I mean, we have been best friends since sixth grade and I'm gonna be 18 in 16 months so it's only for a little while but still, I'm just glad I'm not living with freaks. Plus, Cat's parents are totally fine with me staying at Beck's.

For once I can say, life is good.

Beck doesn't worry anymore about me...as much. He still checks my wrists and constantly makes sure I'm OK. If he sees the slightest bit of a frown on my face he looks at me with these worried, alert eyes and I just smile at him to let him know I'm fine. I think we've all relaxed. There's almost nothing to worry about anymore, other than homework. See! A month ago I would not have said the only thing I'm worrying about is homework!

I'm finally enjoying myself and focusing on my acting and friends instead of everything bad in my life. Maybe, it's because there is no bad or maybe it's because I've dealt with stuff that is so bad that everything else just isn't bad anymore. All I know is that I'm happy and I don't think I'll ever resort to self harm again.

Everyone's kinda pissed at Tori which of course makes me really happy and I don't think we'll ever fully forgive her again. She doesn't sit or hang out with us anymore, mostly because no one (not even Cat or Andre) will let her. Everything seem's perfect.

Right now, I'm just laying in the back of Beck's pick up truck in some random field. It's after 2 in the morning and we're just staring at the stars. I'm lying on top of him and his arms are around me and everything's just perfect. He's playing with a strand of my hair and I just feel so loved. I haven't felt like this in a really long time and I'm soooo happy.

"Hey, Beck." I say, suddenly remembering something that I don't think I've done yet.

"Yeah." He whispers and kisses my cheek.

"Thank you." I smile.

"For what" He laughs.

"Everything." I say sincerely. "I would be dead if it wan't for you and I love you."

"And I'd be dead if you were dead." He jokes.

"What?" I ask confused.

"There's no possible way I wouldn't be with you so if I was dead would be the only way I wouldn't be with you." He smiles like he just solved some big mystery.

"I love you." I laugh.

"I love you too." He says kissing me.

So maybe it was hard to get here but we're here now, together forever...and that's what matters.


End file.
